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Austin Actors
Helen Griffiths

Ode to the Obsolete Commodes
by Helen Griffiths

November 2000

This was my voice-over for a brief documentary I shot for an "On the Porch" segment on KXAN

This was my voice-over for a brief documentary I shot for an "On the Porch" segment on KXAN. It never aired but later Jim Swift called and interviewed me on my children’s video "Mr. Proper Says, "Please Mind Your P’s & Q’s" That did get an airing! Purely for your entertainment and light bathroom reading!

ODE TO OBSOLETE COMMODES

(or so long john -john)

In a letter it came, all about porcelain,

a letter of great jubilation

Austin City did dare, offer loos by the pair,

for water conservation

In English and Spanish, soon doubts all did vanish,

that our old friends must meet chinacide

Two Johns out of three, were ripped out with great glee,

as we read the Instructional Guide

Inspector control, comes to crack up your bowl

so you can't make a personal gain

So mutely the pair, side by side were aware,

they were lined up perchance to be slain

But wait, hold the hammer, no need for the slammer,

the crappers get temporary respite

Load the old china dragon, in the back of the wagon

- their demise we'll now expedite

Follow con-sta-bu-lary - we'll no longer tarry,

as the Capitol Building does frame them

With a tug and a hustle, a bunching of muscle

we jockey position to aim them.

For the green dumpster sign, suggests 'Please to align

the toilets as far to the rear'

So the Johns they did fly, as high as the sky

and smashed with a look debonair

They now have their druthers, and joined all their brothers,

those water-guzzling gushers

And we've made Dowser Dan a most jubilant man,

with our new Rundle low-water flushers.

Copyright 1998 Helen Griffiths

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